Networking for introverts: conversations

Lex Roman: You know that feeling when you walk into a room of people and you don't know who to approach and you're not quite sure what to say and you immediately feel overwhelmed, you're in luck because today's episode continues our series on networking for introverts with a focus on conversations. When I use the word conversation, you probably think, how do I talk to people? But as you'll hear from our contributors today, a lot of what's going on in a networking conversation is actually about listening, connecting and bringing radical curiosity to everyone you meet. We have a jam packed show today full of amazing contributors who share everything from how to ground in your body when you walk into a room, to how to move beyond small talk to having some ways to exit a conversation in your back pocket. I'm Lex Roman, and this is the Low Energy Leads Show.

The topic for this episode was requested by you, the listeners and viewers of low energy leads. So if you have another topic idea, another challenge you're facing in your business, I would love to hear it. You can leave it in the comments on this episode or in the poll below. Throughout this series, I've heard how important it is for introverts to be mindful of their energy and the energy of others.

As we get into this week's episode, I want to turn back to a conversation Kat Vellos and Brendan Jarvis had on the Brave UX podcast. Kat is an author, speaker, and creator focused on helping you have more meaningful connections and conversations.

Kat Vellos: Being an introvert for me and for many introverts, has to do with where and how we gain energy and acknowledging that even though I love deep and meaningful conversations, whether I'm having small talk or whether I'm having a really deep and meaningful conversation, either way, the expense of energy that goes into it is going to happen anyway. I'm going to feel tired after a party or whatever. Anyways, I'm going to feel a little bit like I need a break after a long conversation anyways. And because my energy well is going to go down after a social experience, I want it to be really good because I want it to be worth the drain that's going to come. And so maybe it's a efficiency thing. Maybe I am just selfish for the good stuff, I don't know. But since I'm going to lose energy in a social interaction anyhow, I want it to be really, really awesome.

Lex Roman: I thought it was helpful to hear Kat talk about how that energy gets used anyway, even if the conversation is good, valuable, meaningful, and so you really want it to be worthwhile and you shouldn't feel guilty if conversations do feel draining. It doesn't necessarily mean you're bad at networking, and it doesn't mean you're not achieving your goals. And to add a little motivation as we go into some techniques for conversations today, I want to go to something Laura Sinclair said. Laura is a business and marketing mentor and the host of this Mother Means business podcast.

Laura Sinclair: I think if anything, it just takes practice, right? There's so much about business that's uncomfortable, there's so much about networking that's uncomfortable. And then as an introvert, you're really pushing not only the limits of what's uncomfortable for an extrovert, but there's an inner pulling that's like, holy poop, this is so uncomfortable. It's like that tightness in the chest, and it does get easier with time. It takes reps, right? It's like anything. You can't just expect yourself to be really good at networking. And even for me, in the last year, I've gone to more networking events and I've been an entrepreneur for almost 10 years. Last year I've gone to more at networking events than I ever had before, and I remember driving to the first one and feeling very stressed out, very anxious. And now I've put in some reps, lots of them. And now it's like I just go and I'm not nervous. It's fine. I know it's going to be okay because I've done the practice. And so if you're an introvert listening and you're feeling like, I'm never going to get over this, you will. You just have to continue to allow yourself to be uncomfortable and know that that's okay.

Lex Roman: Practice brings peace. And with that, let's get into our techniques for having networking conversations. We'll start with learning how to spot your people on this subject. I turn to Dawn Taylor. Dawn is a trauma specialist known as the ass kicker, hope giver of the Taylor Way. Dawn and I spoke about those first few moments when you walk into an event and you're trying to figure out who you should talk to in the room,

Dawn Taylor: I look at who my ideal client avatar is. So I know that a lot of people are like, don't go to the demographics that isn't going to actually help you with marketing your business. But a lot of businesses that is very beneficial. Or at least you can figure out, these are my yeses and my nos in a room, or these are my easy and these are my hard people that I'm going to have to talk to in a room. So right off the bat, if someone has really gross energy and we all know that person in a room or you're just, don't talk to them, just avoid them. Okay? If you see somebody who walks into a room and they already are like, oh, hey, how are you? And they're calling out to people and they know lots of people, really good person to talk to because they know a ton of people in the room that they can connect you with. So for myself, I work with a lot of business owners. I love doing trauma work with business owners because then I can help with how it's showing up in their business and shift some of their policies and procedures and all that with it. So if I see someone who walks in and they're just like a manager or they're an upper leadership, not always my client, so that automatically, typically for me cuts off 50% of a room of people.

Lex Roman: When we talk about networking as an introvert, we talk a lot about your energy walking into the room. But as dawn points out, there's also something to be learned from the energy that others are giving off, and it can hold some clues as to whether or not you might want to connect with them. So surveying the room and taking note of how others are interacting with each other and any body language that they're giving off can help you understand whether or not they might be someone who's friendly and worthwhile to approach.

Web designer Sabrina Goethals has been freelancing for over a decade doing all kinds of online for a variety of clients. When asked about her advice on networking, Sabrina said it helps to have a buddy by your side in Sabrina's own words, always go with someone you already know. This gives confidence since you already know at least one person and it breaks the wish of melting into a wall, there can be some awkwardness or even guilt when it comes to networking and feeling like you're not really sure how you're supposed to be acting or if you're showing up okay in any situation.

And I really love what Laura Sinclair had to say about this.

Laura Sinclair: I think a lot of it has to do with some inner work for myself and being just comfortable in my own belonging and knowing that I don't need to fit in that who I am. The way that I am is perfect and I don't need to change for anybody else. And if somebody isn't vibing with my energy, that's okay. And knowing that, I think for a long time I can't change that. I'm an introvert. That's just part of who I am. I can be extroverted, but then I need about a four hour nap after. But for me, a lot of it is just comfort in myself as an introvert and knowing that I'm going to connect with who I'm going to connect with. I mean, you and I connected at, there was a brunch where there were I think 25 women there, and I definitely didn't speak to everybody, and that's okay. I knew that I was just going to connect with the people that I was going to connect with to not feel like I had to be the center of attention or talk to every single person. And also just being really comfortable in knowing that I'm going to meet with some people, we're going to connect or not, and it's okay if there's not a connection there.

Lex Roman: Not feeling like you have to conform to anything that you actually can just be yourself, be transparent, be honest, is a big key to establishing meaningful, long lasting relationships. You don't want to be faking who you are and you don't want to feel like you have to put on a different personality than the one you already have. One thing that can be tricky for introverts is understanding where someone else is coming from. And one of the major tips on our second strategy is approaching with curiosity. Chris Melvin has been a contributor to this series. Chris is a multimedia creative based in Edinburgh, Scotland, on how he approaches conversations in networking context.

Chris said, if you don't feel comfortable leading a conversation quite yet, practice radical curiosity and ask questions. You'll realize quickly that you've taken the reins of the dynamic, and it's really easy to then pivot to whatever you want to talk about.

Whether you want to actually lead the conversation or you just want to get to know the person that you're meeting asking questions is a great way to establish quick rapport.

To go a little deeper on this, I spoke with facilitator, coach and speaker Ariana Friedlander. Ariana helps wholehearted leaders turn difficult conversations into constructive interactions, and she does a ton of networking because she's always out speaking at conferences and at events in her community. She also leads conversations for a living and has done some training in something called conversational intelligence. Here's Ariana explaining the difference in listening to respond versus listening to connect.

Ariana Friedlander: Introverts actually have a huge advantage when it comes to networking, and that's the fact that they tend to be extremely comfortable listening and not being the one talking all the time. And when I was completing my conversational intelligence training in 2016, we had a saying that we shared with each other a lot, which was being listened to feels so much like being loved. It's hard to tell the difference. So when you can listen to people, it's a huge advantage because that is the basis of forming a genuine, meaningful connection. We have a practice and conversational intelligence called listening to connect, not judge, confirm or reject. So most of the time when people are listening, you're listening to respond. So there's a lot of chatter going on in your mind of what you're going to say. Or there can also be chatter of judgment thinking, oh wow, I can't believe we have to talk about the weather again.

Or there can be chatter that is really confirming, oh yeah, see, I knew I was right. And all of that chatter distracts us from actually listening to what the person is saying. And it also creates a lot more tension and energy use in the networking and conversational experience. So when we're listening to connect, we are really focusing on understanding what the other person is saying, connecting with their reality. We like to use the analogy of standing under an umbrella together. So it's like you're standing under the umbrella of their reality together. You're getting to know them and their perspective, and it takes the pressure off. What are you going to say next? Because you're just listening to connect, and that allows the conversation to evolve more organically and meaningfully.

Lex Roman: Now, I know it can be hard if you're walking into a conversation to not listen to respond because you know that you need to say something at some point. So I asked Ariana, how do you quiet down that inner voice that is trying to prepare? The next thing you want to say, and here's what she said.

Ariana Friedlander: One of the things when the chatter does rise up is to just kind of let it float away like a cloud and not attach yourself to it, not engage in an inner dialogue while you're dialoguing with somebody else. So just let it float away. And there's a level of trusting yourself that what you are needing to share will come back to you in the time, and it's perfectly acceptable to say, oh my gosh, I had a thought and I forgot it. If people are understanding when we're really human in our conversations with each other, so you don't need to kind of hide that or really try to be performative. Conversations aren't a performative space. They're a space where you can be real and authentic, and if someone won't accept you that way, they're not the people you want to be connecting and networking with. Anyway, what has helped me a lot, and I'm an ambivert like you, so what's helped me a lot is going into networking conversations or conferences and events with one intention, and that is to create a genuine connection.

So when I'm striving on creating a genuine connection, I'm not trying to sell anyone. I'm not trying to make a pitch. I just want to make a genuine connection. And what's great is that it feels good to make a genuine connection with someone because we're hardwired for that as humans. So we feel good afterwards no matter whether or not we are going to have a lead or a sale as a result, we just feel good about the connection. I think the other piece of showing up authentically is that we need to give ourselves permission to share and be a little bit vulnerable. So it's okay to say to someone that you're meeting, I'm really out of my comfort zone right now, or I'm an introvert and this is really uncomfortable for me, or this is a stretch. And if somebody can't handle that authenticity and vulnerability, then they're not the people for you.

But generally when you do open up in that way, you pave the way for a more meaningful connection. And I remember doing that years ago in my business when I met up with someone that I'd known for a long time or for a few years, I'd known her. I saw her at a conference. I was really struggling in my business, and she asked how I was doing and I said, I'm really struggling right now. And it was so affirming and validating because she just listened. She supported me and she said, we should get coffee. She gave me, put her hand on my shoulder, genuinely looked me in the eye, said we should get coffee, and it just freed me to be more present and less consumed by the fact that I felt like I was faking it because I got to speak my truth. I got to be seen, I got to be heard, and then I could just focus the rest of the event on connecting with people and not distracted by that.

Lex Roman: It can help to have prepared a couple talking points or questions that you want to inject into conversation. Here's Ariana's tip for something to keep in your back pocket. The next time you get stuck in a conversation,

Ariana Friedlander: A really simple question that doesn't sound like a question, but does continue that conversation even further and get the other person to talk more is simply tell me more just as they say something, oh, tell me more about that. Tell me more about the experience you had, or tell me more about how this challenge inspired you to start your business. So that's a super simple, easy one to keep in your pocket to just keep the conversation going and take that pressure off of if you don't want to have to be the one that's carrying the conversation with sharing all of yourself, then you can get the other person to talk more with. Tell me more.

Lex Roman: Pulling back from the networking events altogether, we've been talking a bit in this series about how networking is not just about networking events, which is often what we think of when we evoke that word, but it's also about building relationships, deepening relationships, and connecting with the same people over and over again.

I really love how Pat Morgan approaches this. Pat is a creator of Better By Design and talks about something called Increasing Your Luck Surface area. You may recall that Pat calls Coffee and connection chats, serendipity chats, and he's always looking for cool people to meet. In Pat's words, you want to be meeting people and building relationships well in advance of ever needing anything from them. People can sense when you have a hidden motive. It's not about getting something immediate from any new connection. It's about increasing your luck surface area for good things to find you.

That concept of luck surface area is really powerful because the reality of networking is that it mostly pays you back in the trust that you've banked from years before. So it's rare that someone you just meet is going to do something that's going to pay off for you. More than likely your networking will pay off for you later. And so that idea of luck surface area, planting those seeds, fostering those connections over time and expanding that over time is a powerful visual to bring into your networking work and to take some of the pressure off of having those immediate results.

For those of you who do need immediate results, I do want to add something that Kristin Au brought up. Kristin is a freelance product designer. We heard from her earlier in this series as well. Kristin talked a little bit about how you can still bring that connection idea into something that is somewhat transactional.

Here's what Kristin wrote: When doing cold reach outs, I try to make the connection feel more personal by sharing something about myself, noting something we have in common or asking them something I'm genuinely curious about. That way it feels like I'm fostering a human connection rather than a business network.

That brings us to the sponsor of today's episode Connection Club. If you want to cultivate more friendship and community in your life, you should definitely check out Connection Club Run by Kat Vellos. Kat Vellos is the author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. Connection Club is Kat's membership community that will help you achieve your connection goals. Members have a wide variety of goals like adding more novelty to how they spend time with friends, creating gatherings and leading and running clubs. If you've been frustrated by how hard it is to make and maintain friendships in adulthood, join Connection Club today. Learn more at weshouldgettogether.com.

As we've talked about before, so much of networking is about adding that personal touch, bringing your humanity to it, and this brings us to our third strategy. Adding value when you talk, adding value when you talk is something that we could really all use more of. And our contributors in this section of the episode have lots of specific tips for you about how to do this in the midst of a conversation. Our first tip goes back to Laura Sinclair who talks about when you're intimidated by approaching someone who's maybe famous or you're not really sure what exactly to say to them, how you can break the ice.

Laura Sinclair: There's never a thing that I say, and usually I try to come up with something that is a little bit funny to try to break the ice a little bit so it takes a little more time that I'm willing to admit. I have a memory of I was at a mastermind and we had a dinner, end of event dinner, and I was sitting next to Chris Harder. That was where my assigned seat was to be next to Chris. And I remember thinking to myself, I was panicking, right? Because an introvert, I can do it, but was very nervous and I think the first thing out of my mouth was something about the fact that cactuses are really phallic. I'd never been to Arizona before. We were in Arizona, and I was like, wow, we were talking about being Canadian, and I was like, as a Canadian, it's a little weird being here. The cactuses are really phallic. And so he thought that was hilarious. And so that kind of broke the ice for me. But usually it's like what is the first, if I have my first phrase, the first thing that I want to say that I'm okay, but if I feel like I need to come up with it on the spot, I'll struggle, or at least my perception is that I'm struggling.

Lex Roman: Speaking of approaching famous people comics, Phil Rickaby and Jess Gorman know something about that. Phil and Jess host a podcast called The Introvert's Guide to where they've covered everything from the Introvert's Guide to parties, to the Introvert's Guide to Social Media Fasting. Phil and Jess are theater creators and performers, and as such, they need to meet a lot of people and they find themselves networking quite a bit. In episode four of their show, they focused on networking, and I loved the part where they talked about how to add value in a conversation where the power dynamic is off and you may not feel like you have something to contribute.

Phil Rickaby: We all have our expertise and even if it's just to be an ear and somebody says, I'm working on this thing and I'm really stuck on a thing, and you're like, okay, so tell me about that thing you're stuck on and why are you stuck on it? And just that question, why are you stuck on that could be enough to break that person out, which is the kind of conversation that I like to have anyway with my creative friends is like when somebody says I'm stuck on a thing, I'd be like, so what is that thing you're stuck on? Why do you think you're stuck on it?

Jess Gorman: Yeah, Phil, I got to tell you, yeah, you're great for that, honestly. Fantastic,

Phil Rickaby: Thank you

Jess Gorman: But I do like what she's saying, which is it's about listening and building relationships. It's not transactional. That actually is a really nice way of thinking about networking, and especially in our field where it's a lot of creative people relying on each other.

Lex Roman: Definitely go check out Jess and Phil's podcast. They have a ton of episodes on different ways introverts can navigate all kinds of things in life. Another thing you might come across when you're networking is having to give an introduction or an elevator pitch in front of a room full of people that can make anyone panic if you're not prepared.

That's where Michael Gibben’s elevator pitch advice comes in handy. Michael is a coach for tutors, and I heard his talk on networking earlier this year at an online summit for tutors called Skyrocket. In this talk, Michael points out how important it's to be specific so that you're memorable and you encourage people to connect you with the right fit clients. Michael gives an excellent example. Here's a clip from his talk

Michael Gibben: Is you want to be able to share in 60 seconds who you help, how you help them, and a specific ask, because having a specific ask for a group of other business owners makes a big difference because as you're presenting, people are listening to what you have to say. So if you have something very specific you would like to ask for that week or that month, if it's a monthly group that people, it'll resonate in their minds and in their hearts a lot easier than if you give a very general presentation about your business. It's a lot easier for that to be forgotten with time. So here are two samples, A or B. So A says Hello, my name is Divya and I'm the founder of Tutoring business, a Toronto's customized math tutoring service. Today I'm looking to work with a parent guardian who is feeling overwhelmed by math and would like guidance.

If you or someone you know is looking for mentor tutoring, it'd be a pleasure to connect and discuss further. Thank you everyone. Again, my name is Divya of Tutoring Business A where a child's goals today make success tomorrow. So that was person at a business networking meeting and Divya, she's come out with her business and she's ready to share. So that is DIA's 62nd presentation. Now, here's Jason's from, or option B, which is Jason's from tutoring business B. Hello, I'm Jason of tutoring Business B. We make a difference with children everywhere. We are accredited business professionals with certified teachers who teach all ages and all subjects throughout the greater Toronto area. Thank you everyone. Hope we can help today. So taking a moment to really think about that. Which one in the chat below of course, if you like, which one do you think resonated more with people in terms of again, who you help, how you help them and specific ask.

Lex Roman: You can see from Michael's example how important it's to be specific and how helpful it is in understanding the expertise of tutoring business A over tutoring business B. I think it can be hard to nail this right off the bat, and it really does. As Laura Sinclair said at the top of this episode, take some practice, take some reps to figure out exactly how do you say that and who does that attract in the room. Another thing I heard from introverts over and over again is how they hate small talk. So strategy four is how to move beyond small talk. Of course for this, we're going to go back to Kat Vellos conversation with Brendan Jarvis on the Brave UX Podcast where Kat talks about how she deepened a conversation with a friend that she had known for a while, wanting to move beyond the topics that they were normally covering to take the conversation in a new direction based on a shared interest.

Kat Vellos: I had a friend and in this friendship I noticed that we typically talked about the same few topics and it was fine. I really love our conversations, but I also wanted to explore some other things in our conversation. I just wanted to freshen it up. And one of the things I noticed just from observing her life and her Instagram or whatever, is she really likes spending a lot of time in nature. I really love nature, but she's more in, she'll do a lot of camping and hiking, and she goes further places in nature than I do. And I realized this was something we could connect about. And I was also curious. So I asked her one day before one of our upcoming phone calls, I said, Hey, I really liked this camping picture you had posted on Instagram. Would you be open one day to having a conversation where we talk about our experiences in nature?

And she was like, yeah, I would love that. And so we had a really lovely chat and we each shared going back and forth, sharing a story or a memory about a time we had a really positive experience in nature. And it was one of my favorite conversations that we've had because the stories that she shared with me and that I even got to reflect on and share stories I may not have told anybody for years we're so descriptive and rich and with visual detail that I felt like I was in the place that she was describing to me, and she felt like she was in mine. And so even though we weren't there in the moment, we got to share this experience of place and memory together around something we both love, just nature. So that was a light experience, just a way to shake things up in your conversation and to learn something about a friend that you might know for years and you've never talked about that with them.

Lex Roman: Whether you're talking to someone you've known for a while or you just met someone new, the idea of moving beyond smalltalk is welcomed across the board. And to help us do that, Kat has developed a couple tools I highly recommend you check out. One of them I love to keep in my bag when I'm hosting meetups. They're called Better Than Small Talk Cards, and you can download different versions of this on Kat's website at weshouldgettogether.com. They have questions that you can use, you can keep them in your back pocket for one-on-one networking. I love to use them in group settings. And another fantastic tool from Kat is the Better Conversations calendar. I have this pinned on the bulletin board above my coffee maker. So every morning when I'm making my coffee, I'm able to look and check some of the question prompts that Kat has for me and try to remember some of them for the next time I'm having conversations, whether it's networking or in my membership.

So check those incredible tools out. You can find that link in the show notes. We've talked a bit about energy protection and what that means in terms of how to be mindful of who to have conversations with, but our contributors shared a few other tools that you can use to ground in your body and recharge so you can get back out there. When it comes to grounding in your body trauma specialist, Dawn Taylor knows what she's doing. Dawn had some practical tips for how you can do this if you're attending a networking event in person. Here's what Dawn said.

Dawn Taylor: Number one thing is I get really, really overwhelmed by the energy in a room, whether it's positive or negative, it doesn't matter. Or if it's just too many people, it's like walking into a busy shopping mall at Christmas. Sometimes you're like, blah. And especially as an introvert, but I also feel the emotions and the energy with a lot of people. So for myself, one of my key things that I do is I show up really early, like 20 minutes before the event starts, half an hour before the event starts, depending on where it is and what it is. So a couple things that I do that I recommend to people is, number one, show up really early and then offer your support to help. Everyone's always running behind. Everybody needs help setting up tables or setting up pamphlets or paperwork or sending people in something.

There's never enough help. So the minute you do that, number one, you're walking into a room and you're getting to match yourself to a really, really low key room to begin with. So maybe there's three people, maybe there's two, maybe there's five. But now you're walking into this really, really quiet room. Good, the music's not cranked yet. Everyone's really excited. It feels good right now. You can start to get to know people, but you're also doing a task. So it's really awkward sometimes to make initial conversations with people when there's a task going on. It's like, oh, how was your week? Have you had any big business wins? What are you excited about this going on right now in your life? Now you can ask questions like that and you get people really excited and engaged, but they're getting to know you. But now you're also getting this identity as the helper.

You're getting the identity is like, oh my gosh, they came and bailed us out. But the biggest thing for me is yes, it's nice to have those conversations with people and get to know people, but what that does is it also allows me to adjust to the room as people come into it. So I'm not walking into a wall of energy. If I show up when it's about to start the wall's coming to me very slowly, like one brick at a time, which is much more manageable, then I can adjust with it. It also allows me to choose my seat. It allows me to choose where I want to hang out in the room. It allows me to choose all of that to match what my needs are instead of like, oh, I'm at the very front of the room, yay, kind of feel because that doesn't work for me personally.

But the other piece of that is it gives you an instant visibility and almost a credibility because now you've already gotten to know you key players in the room because they're your planners, they're your organizers. They're the people that are like, oh my gosh, this person, even if she's a stranger, totally just came and helped us out for the last 20 minutes or half an hour. Who are you looking to connect with? And now often or you can ask and be like, Hey, do you know if anyone who does this is going to be here today? Because guess what? They're in charge of the guest list and now they're actually thinking about you because almost it sounds funny, but they almost feel like they owe you in a way as a thank you. And they'll a hundred percent be like, oh my gosh, yes. Let me introduce you to someone. And it's just a totally different way to start your process so you're not already feeling overwhelmed before you walk in

Lex Roman: As the energy builds. Or if you start to feel overwhelmed in the midst of an event or an interaction, Dawn has a tool for that too. Here's how Dawn takes a break when it all becomes too much.

Dawn Taylor: a few of my really quick ones is one thing, check your shoulders. It's a two millimeter shift from shoulders back owning it. I've got this to complete defeat and irritation and frustration. So we've even just listening to this, if you just hard drop your shoulders, you can literally feel your entire mood go, Ugh, right? So my first is I'm always like, no, check my shoulders. Another one is the number one way to ground yourself back into your body and bring yourself back. If you picture it like you're spiraling out of yourself because everything's feeling just odd and bad and negative. One of the fastest ways to grind yourself back into your body is one hand in your heart and one hand in your stomach. The crazy thing is, as a woman, typically either you have a purse or you have a bag or you have something.

So I always wear a cross body purse, and one of the reasons why I do that is it's easy to grab onto and it's naturally putting my hand on my heart, and then I just sneak my hand on my stomach and I just close my eyes really quick and I just take a huge deep breath, and it immediately will just ground you, just ground you back into your body. If that doesn't work, and you're like, Nope, nope. Still not pulling it together. I always, always have noise canceling headphones in my bag everywhere I go, I am packing a pair of headphones with me and I am the queen of going to the bathroom and pretending to pee and cranking like a power song, like an Unstoppable by SIA or Roar by Katy Perry or whatever it is that gets me going again. And I will have a full on moment in the bathroom and just pretend I'm peeing and I'm just blaring music and blocking out all the external sounds, and I give myself that two and a half minutes because songs are short these days, and you give yourself that two to three minutes to just be like, no, I'm fine.

I got this. And what it does is it allows you to completely pull yourself out of the situation and the energy and away from it all. Kind of get yourself back together. Check your hair and your makeup. If you need to adjust your clothes, pump yourself back up and then be like, and go, now I'm going to walk back into that room and this is my intention behind it.

Lex Roman: Now, if there's a tech tool that can be used, we're going to talk about it. Ariana Freelander, who we heard from earlier in this episode, has a really cool technique that she uses. It's a combination of hardware and software measuring biofeedback. Here's Ariana to explain in

Ariana Friedlander: In terms of understanding how our nervous systems are operating. It can be incredibly helpful to recognize that, oh, I am in this state. I am feeling really anxious right now. And to just recognize that for ourselves and to shift, have tools for shifting out of that state. And I think networking for so many of us can be one of those instances where we just get really worked up and distracted by these stories in our head that everyone else is so much better or already knows all of these things or whatever. It's we get stuck in these really hurtful, negative stories that aren't true. And when we can see that evidence in the biofeedback, I use measures your heart rate variability with the Heart map institution. So when we can see that our hearts are incoherent, we can recognize, whoa, okay, I need to focus right now on centering and really getting back into my heart and regulating, clearing that reactivity and then being able to be present. Again, I use the Inner Balance trainer for biofeedback. You for that app need to purchase a little trainer that clips on your ear. There's also an app that HeartMath has that's free called the Global Coherence App, and it actually uses your phone and oops, wrong side. So uses your phone and you just put your finger over the camera and it can measure your heart rate variability, which is amazing.

Lex Roman: Ariana doesn't just use biofeedback when it comes to networking. She uses it throughout her business. And if you're interested in how she incorporates it in her work with wholehearted leaders, you've got to follow her on LinkedIn.

The last strategy, and one of my favorites when it comes to conversations is knowing how to bail. Laura Sinclair brought this up when I reached out to her about contributing to this episode. Laura said that starting conversations was always scary because she wasn't sure how to end them, but now she can enter conversations with much more confidence and energy knowing that she always has an exit path.

Laura Sinclair: Ending a conversation for me for so long was the reason why I didn't start them, because it was like, I don't know how to get out of this conversation, so I'm just going to avoid starting it all together because I don't want to deal with that awkward, what do you say? How do I get out of here when things aren't going well or you're just ready to move on to some other area? And so I've kind of come up with two. There's two different ways that I'll end a conversation. And one, we'll just be like, Lexi was so nice to meet you. I'm going to go keep mingling and connect with more people. And that one usually works pretty well. Or the other one I'll say is, Lex, what kind of people are you looking to meet here at this event? And you could tell me, I'm looking at these two people and I'll say, great, I'm going to keep circling, and if I meet anybody like that, I'm going to send them your way. And usually they're like, wonderful, that sounds fantastic. And then you just kind of dip to the left.

Lex Roman: I asked Laura how this applies to Zoom conversations or coffee chat scenarios, because if you're just with one other person, it can be harder to know, how can I get out of here, tips on that if

Laura Sinclair: It's not going well, I like to blame my kids. I was like, you know what? I got to go pick up my kid. I got to end this. I'm really sorry. But usually for me, the more meaningful way that I like to end the conversation is like, how can I support you? What do you need? How can I support you? And usually people will turn around and say, well, that's so kind of you to say that. Here's what I would need. And then they'll say, well, how can I support you? And usually I just like to end things on that note. But I think sometimes the beauty of booking a Zoom call is you book it for half an hour and you can make it through half an hour, 15 minutes or 20 minutes. But there's always ways to end conversations. I'm lucky I've got little kids, so I can blame my kids for basically anything, which works out really nicely. But I'm a person that if I'm going to get on a call, a connection call with somebody I already know, we're going to have a good conversation. It's a pretty rare day where I'm talking to a stranger.

Lex Roman: Whether it's your goal to get out there and meet more people, or you're looking to deepen the relationships you already have, I hope this series on networking for introverts has given you strategies you can use right away in your life and your business. If you missed any of the episodes, you can find them all at lowenergyleads.com. And I really encourage you to connect with our contributors because they all have such wonderful things that they're doing and so much more that they can offer when it comes to networking, community building, business strategy, marketing, and more.

If we've never met before. I'm Lex Roman. I empower creative entrepreneurs to make smarter marketing betts through marketing experimentation. And you might've noticed I'm a low energy entrepreneur, so I don't like to use strategies like search and social, and I love to cover other ways that you can market your business and stay booked on my newsletter, low energy leads. On that note, if you like this episode, you might also like an episode I did on making email your best friend. Email makes a great companion to networking because as your networking, you can add vetted people to your email list. I go over how you can start that from scratch in that episode. So check that out if you haven't seen it before.

Until next time, keep your energy low until the value will be high.